Forget decluttering your coat closet, declutter your emotional closet for the New Year.
We’re staring down the barrel of another new year, and let’s be real—most of us are hauling around more emotional baggage than a family of four at the airport. This isn’t about the junk drawer or the closet you’ve been ignoring since last Christmas. We’re talking about the real clutter: the unresolved grudges, the toxic relationships you’re too polite to ditch, and those goals you’ve been pretending to chase because they sounded good at some point.
Emotional clutter is like that old, dusty treadmill in the corner—taking up space, collecting dust, and not doing anyone any good. Matt Paxton nails it when he says, “Clutter is not just physical. It’s the difficult relationships, the work you hate, the stress of daily life. Those are the hardest things to clean up.”
So, as we approach the end of another year, let’s commit to some real emotional decluttering. It’s time to stop peeing in our own mental space and get to work on clearing out the crap that’s been holding us back.
Here are five action steps for decluttering your emotional closet for the new year:
Emotional Clutter – Something is rotten in there
At the back of every closet, storage area, and attic are things that have been boxed, packed, and shoved away, seemingly forgotten, but still taking up space and collecting dust. Your emotional closet is just the same.
Stucl up in there are a thousand emotional slights, hurts, and wounds that have been left to fester and rot like a leaking jug of milk. You know something smells in there, but you don’t dare dig around to find out what it is and clean it up.
“Clutter is not just the stuff on your floor – it’s anything that stands between you and the life you want to be living.” – Peter Walsh
Identifying Emotional Clutter
To find that emotional clutter, you will need to do what you have been putting off and crack open some of those boxes way in the back that you know really smell and don’t want to touch. Focus on all those negative feelings. Do you often feel guilt, resentment, or not good enough? Are they over things that are far in the past and nothing you can do about now?
Likely, those negative emotions are not doing anything but stinking up your life and causing you grief. Trust me, you may be able to ignore that stench, but the people around you can smell it.
How to throw out internal Emotional Clutter and keep it gone
To get rid of emotional clutter, first you have to identify what it is that needs to go. That can oftentimes be as difficult as actually throwing it out. I suggest setting aside some screen-free, distraction-free time, with a pad and paper and start writing down your nagging negative feelings. Set a timer and don’t stop free writing until it goes off. Just relax and put down what comes to mind.
If you need some prompting, here are some suggestions:
- What emotions have I felt most intensely this week/month/year?
- Are there recurring feelings or situations that trigger these emotions?
- Who hurt me that I never got to express that to?
- Who have I hurt that I’ve never apologized to?
- What am I ashamed that I have done, or more importantly not done?
How to get rid of emotional clutter
Now that you know what needs to go away, the trick is to figure out how to drag it from the dusty corners of your emotional attic and get it out of the house. Learning to release old emotions is a whole topic unto itself but here are some ideas to start.
- Accept that you have failed at some things and you did the best that you could have at the time.
- Apologize to people you feel you have hurt. You can do this either in person or even just write them a letter that they will never get.
- Do visualization exercises and imagine letting go of those old, out-of-date emotions. Close your eyes, imagine dropping them into a black hole and off into the void, and feel the lightening of your load as you do it.
Relationship Clutter – It Holds You Back
Not all people are meant to stay in our life forever and some need to go away in order for you to move forward. That can be a very hard pill to swallow for some people, but it is true.
“Some people are not meant to stay in our lives forever. Some come as a lesson, some a blessing, and that’s okay.”
An important part of your emotional decluttering is getting rid of relationships that drag you down more than they lift you up, or keep you tied to old bad habits. This means you may need to eliminate or spend less time with both friends and family that aren’t helping to make your life better.
Here are some signs to determine if someone needs less time in your life:
- Vampires: After spending time with someone, do you feel drained or energized? Relationships should generally leave you feeling better, not worse. If you consistently feel depleted, anxious, or stressed after interactions, it’s a sign.
- Negativity: Pay attention to the overall tone of your interactions. Is this person a constant source of negativity, gossip, or drama? If drama follows them like a shadow, it might be time to step out of that shade.
- Bad Habits: Reflect on how this relationship influences your behavior. Are you reverting to or adopting bad habits when you’re with them? If they encourage or join you in unhealthy behaviors, consider if this relationship is conducive to the life you want to lead.
- Boundary Breakers: Do they respect your boundaries? If you’ve set limits and they continually overstep them, this person might not have your best interests at heart.
- Manipulators: Be wary of those who manipulate through guilt, gaslighting, or playing the victim to control your actions or emotions.
- Obligations: If you find yourself thinking, “I should spend time with them because they’re family/friend” rather than “I want to spend time with them,” it’s worth examining why you feel obligated rather than choosing to be there.
How To Get Rid Of Relationship Clutter
Now that you know who you need less of in your life, the challenge is to remove them.
The most direct way to do this is just to start saying “no” to spending time with them. The hard part is sticking with that. People who have been being emotional vampires and contributing negatively to your life will likely throw a fit when you stop spending time with them. Be prepared for emotional manipulation and guilt trips, so you have to stay strong.
Have a response ready for them for when they really push. Something like “I need to focus on my well-being and goals, so I must limit our time together. Please understand.”
There will be protests to this so brace yourself.
Less Relationship Clutter Means New Friends
As you rid yourself of toxic, negative people from your life, you will likely find that you have more free time. That is free time that I suggest you spend at least some of, looking for and nurturing new, positive and supportive friends with.
Refreshing your goals and dumping “goal clutter”
Trust me, I know the pain of sitting down with that list of goals at the beginning of the year, and seeing all the goals from last year, or two or five, that you haven’t achieved. Hanging onto a bunch of guilt and beating yourself up over what you haven’t gotten done only takes away from your energy to get this year’s goals accomplished, so stop it!
“Letting go of goals that don’t ignite your passion isn’t defeat; it’s making room for the dreams that truly fuel your journey.” – Cliff
Step 1 – Let go of your guilt over failed goals
Yeah, you wanted those goals to happen and they didn’t get done. It doesn’t matter if it was your fault or the universe conspired against you, they didn’t get done and you need to let go of the emotion related to that.
If the reason your goal didn’t get done truly was the universe throwing massive hurdles in the way, then that is just life. From car accidents to sickness, to major financial upheavals life is chaos. You have to just accept those situations and let the emotions go.
Step 2 – Be real about what goals are actually important
If a goal hasn’t gotten done in the last year, or two or ten, was it really important to you, or was it really just something that you would like to have happen?
Go through your goals list and one by one, ask why you want them. Do you have an emotional reaction? Is there a deep-seated reason you want that goal to come true? As you go through your list, look for the ones that have significant emotional reasons to make them happen. Those are the goals to focus on, the rest can get put in the “nice to do” pile.
For the “nice to do” goals, you can let go of all the negativity associated with them. Realize that they never were really that important to start with and stop beating yourself up over them. As for the rest, accept that you are where you are and nothing can change the past, and let that guilt go. Guilt over past missed goals will only slow you down and eat up time in your new year.
When you are done, try not to have more than 5 big goals for the year. Demote the rest to a second list. Now you can start the year fresh, having let go of guilt over what you haven’t gotten done, and with a small achievable list of goals for the new year.
Acknowledge Clutter from Unresolved Decisions
“Clutter is postponed decisions.” – Julie Morgenstern
Incomplete loops are anything in your life that you have started, but haven’t finished yet. I can name at least 10 projects of mine that fall into this category. When it comes to cleaning up your emotional clutter, one of the biggest is unresolved decisions.
If you find yourself “trying to decide” on what to do about things for days, weeks, months or even years, then you are doing nothing but piling up boxes in your emotional closet.
Cleaning out the decision backlog
Get that pad of paper out and make a list of all the things you have been putting off making decisions on. Then one by one go down the list and write down:
- Do you have enough information to make a decision? What specific things do you need to know?
- Are you using “needing to know more” as an excuse to not make a decision?
- What are the possible outcomes of each choice both good and bad?
- Why do you want one or the other? What emotions do you feel about them?
Now the important part. Making decisions.
For each decision on your list, make a choice.
If there’s one you need more info on before making a decision, jot down exactly what you need to know before deciding, then make your choice as soon as you get that information.
For the rest, just pick one.
Yup, just pick one.
“But what if I pick the wrong one?” I can hear the cries now. The truth is, any decision can be seen as wrong if you look at it that way. Every choice carries an opportunity cost – what you didn’t choose. If you focus on that, life will be tough.
This takes some bravery, but make those decisions and let the emotions go.
Clear Out Memory Clutter
“Use tech to remember, so you can focus on what matters.”
We’ve talked about clearing out emotional baggage, toxic relationships, and stalled goals. But after you’ve gotten rid of all that, there is still one other thing that is cluttering up your brain. All the things you are trying to remember.
You are likely burning a lot of brain power trying to remember appointments, birthdays, tasks, and so on but you don’t need to.
Fun story. I worked with a sales guy once who did 100+ deals a month and always had all these deals rolling around in his head. He tried to keep track of what was on order, who needed what, when he needed to go say hi and all that. He lost a lot of sleep and he didn’t need to.
If he had just used the company provided CRM, it would have kept track of all that for him. You can use technology to lighten your mental load as well.
Instead of using Postit notes, scribbles on calendars, and sheer mental power try these instead:
- Calendar Conquer: Stop trying to keep track of appointments, deadlines, and events in your head. Embrace the digital calendar. Set reminders, recurring events, and even share calendars with family or colleagues. This simple step can free up a surprising amount of mental energy.
- To-Do List Triumph: Instead of letting tasks swirl around in your brain, capture them in a to-do list app. Break down larger projects into smaller, manageable steps. The act of writing things down gets them out of your head and onto a tangible list, making them feel less overwhelming. Plus, the satisfaction of checking things off is a great motivator.
- Note-Taking Nirvana: Got a brilliant idea in the shower? A random thought you don’t want to forget? Jot it down in a note-taking app. This prevents those fleeting thoughts from disappearing into the ether and allows you to revisit them later. You can even use voice-to-text for those moments when typing isn’t convenient.
- Password Peace: Stop stressing about remembering dozens of different passwords. Use a reputable password manager. It generates strong, unique passwords for all your accounts and stores them securely, so you only need to remember one master password.
- Automated Assistance: Explore automation tools and apps that can handle repetitive tasks. From scheduling social media posts to paying bills automatically, these tools can save you time and mental effort.
By leveraging technology effectively, you can create a system that handles the mundane, freeing up your mind to focus on what truly matters: your relationships, your passions, and your overall well-being. It’s not about becoming a slave to technology, it’s about making it work for you, so you can live a more focused, less cluttered life.
Start The New Year Fresh
Now that you have some mental and emotional housecleaning to do, I suggest you get busy and get to it. Do it now so you can start the year fresh, with lots of room in your soul for amazing new things!